Chris Christie, you’re wrong.

Chris Christie made an amazing health decision in February of this year and I applaud that.  I found it insulting and a waste of time for the news to even pick it up and try to come up with some elevated reasoning behind his very personal choice. So when Christie showed annoyance with the media I thought, “That’s right give em hell Chris!”  My husband and I even talked about how ridiculous this whole thing was.

Things changed early this morning for me though.  Christie was quoted yesterday saying “it’s really the only still-acceptable form of discrimination”, he said this about weight and he is wrong.  I am a gay male I am married I always follow that up with a “disclosure” sounding voice saying “in participating states and not at a federal level” people usual chuckle but it’s not funny.

Just last year when I entered the voting booth I had to decide on a president who would constitutionally ban the marriage of my husband and I or one that was choosing to not defend DOMA.  I had to vote for a party that would either strive to bring me equality or strive to exclude me and call me immoral.  I live in a state where I can be fired just for existing, I can’t adopt a needy child with my husband.  I have friends in other states that can be refused service.  I know very much what discrimination is, I can tell you it’s very real in my everyday life and it is VERY acceptable at even a leadership level in our government so Chris you are just plain old wrong.

I won’t sit here and try to compare what rights you have over me Mr. Christie, or that laws exist to intentionally hold me back from my rights as a citizen in this country.  I’ll actually stand beside you and agree that yes weight is something discriminated against and people feel it’s an open joke.  That even I have caught myself saying things that are actually cruel and inaccurate or laughing at a joke that didn’t need to be said.  I promise you this though Mr. Christie, children slit their own wrist right now because law makers and leaders of this country compare them to pedophiles, or rapist.  Those children sit and listen to their parents cheer candidates like Rick Santorum because he bemoans the ruin of society at the hands of the “Gay agenda”.  Or watch leaders like you turn away on bills that would protect their rights and help them avoid discrimination.

I hate that people made your weight some big deal, it’s great that you made this decision that will benefit you and your family.  Understand this though, people are being discriminated against, you and other people with weight issues are not the only victims.  The LGBT community is suffering right now in front of you and that discrimination is significantly more supported and openly acceptable.  I have a number of laws I can show you or speeches I have heard or articles that have been written that would prove my case.

Mr. Christie, I have always respected you as a person, I don’t agree with much of what your views are but I love your to the point personality. Understand this though, I’ll go toe to toe along with every other LGBT community member to say that this time your statement was arrogant uninformed and wrong. 

Come out every day; a New Year’s resolution.

I have been out; I have been out for almost half my life.  There is an interesting thing though that happens to me almost every single day.  I am faced with the decision to come out to strangers, people that for some reason or another start up conversation and decide to delve down a path normally assuming my sexuality.

I am a confident gay man, for the love of god I’ve been on TV talking about my husband; I’ve been on floats in pride parades.  Most would think it’s indisputable how “out” I am.  The strange thing is though that many times I just avoid coming out to strangers.  We meet new people every single day, and each day there is an opportunity that those individuals pry just enough and who you love pops into conversation.

Think of it, I wear a wedding ring, all too often people see a wedding ring and realize marriage as a point of conversation.  It’s innocent enough and with the best intentions.  More often than not though I’m asked what my wife’s name is.  So there I sit, at best minutes into a new relationship, one that will most likely last for the length of a checkout line or at best the length of a flight.  I immediately am put in the position of coming out.  It’s not like I’m ashamed but my head races, is it worth the possible uncomfortable conversation?  Should I just play along?  Do I need to be ready for my soap box speech?  This is a frequent if not daily decision we in the LGBT community deal with. 

Steve and I have been to many events; we’ve flown to many of states and passed through more than our fare share of body scanners.  If you don’t know it already Steve and I are adorned with tattoos, they encompass our right arms.  Along with that I wear Steve’s dog tags, so if the two of us are within your eyesight together you immediately know we are connected in some way.  

During one of our many airport security checks last summer Steve and I separately managed our way through TSA wearing our normal attire, a tank top and shorts.  Steve went through the old-fashioned metal detector and I went through the one that shows me practically naked to some individual who supposedly is far away (I still have questions as to how true that is).  As I waited to be cleared after my scan, the TSA guard on the other side decided to spark up conversation.  

“That’s a nice tattoo great colors” the compliment was genuine and for that I thanked him.  “You in the army?” he inquired pointing at Steve’s dog tags around my neck.  “Nope, they’re his” I pointed to Steve over my shoulder gathering his shoes from the x-ray machine.  “Oh WOW, you guys have the same tattoos” I nod in agreement “your brother huh?” I replied with a half laugh, “yeah something like that” and moved on.

It’s odd, I was faced with a simple moment of honesty and maybe even education for this nice man.  What did I do?  I avoided it, I moved on and let him believe what he wanted.  More than likely in some instances we just let it go, realizing no ill intent is at hand and not wanting to deal with it.  Why though?  Why did I walk away, would it have made a difference maybe?  Could he have been nasty to me, possibly?  In the matter of seconds I lied, I shoved myself back into a closet rather than be proud of who I am, what I have become and all the amazing change I fight for was abandoned just because I didn't want to deal with it.

I sat on a plane once and spoke to a man on a return flight from FL.  Our conversation was great, I spoke of Steve without gender or assigning a name, the other half, or better half works well enough (it’s how I’ve trained myself).  I spoke of what he did where we married and this gentleman sat and listened and then shared parts of his life.  I assumed by his lack of digging he understood I was gay, that’s normally why I avoid gender, to try and raise awareness to people that it’s not on a sleeve nor is it important in the grand scheme of things as to who I love.  The plane landed and he handed me his business card.  “The next time my wife and I are in town let’s all do dinner”.  I took his card and exchanged it with my own.  He added one last question, “I feel so rude, this whole time I never asked; what’s your wife’s name.”.  That day I answered honestly, I answered proudly, "actually, his name is Steve".

Each time we don’t pay the respect we owe ourselves we go beyond just what we’ve done to ourselves.  We neglect to make this person realize how normal we all are.  Sure some, if not maybe many may walk away shocked, even annoyed that their assumption was wrong.  Others may not bat an eye.  For those who are shocked though, they may not know someone who is gay, you deny them the ability to see our community for what it is; just people, people who live the same lives, who have the same goals, and who just want to live it freely.  By coming out every single time someone assumes you’re straight you open their eyes.  You expose them to something that they may need in order to become an ally.  Something of which is needed in order to win this fight.

The man I met on the plane that day hasn’t called, I’m not sure he will.  I know this though; I helped that man out.  The next time he meets a single male or female he may approach things differently.  Maybe if he had reservations about the LGBT community, meeting me will have helped him.  Knowing about my military spouse, my professional role and from our conversation he may have a new perspective.

So as we enter this New Year, I am asking each and every single one of my friends to make the same resolution as I am.  Come out every single chance you can.  Maybe you already do and if so then encourage your friends to do the same.  Even if you're straight come out in support of LGBT rights as often as possible.  Either way, the next few years are going to mean massive change in LGBT rights and unless we make our selves known we risk losing what amazing progress has already been made.  Take each day as a chance to help create conversation around why our differences make us so amazing and yet so alike.  Happy New Year!