One floor below real marriage

Today less than a week before our one year anniversary, three hundred and fifty nine days after the best day of my life Stephen and I took a PTO day to get our names changed.  We’ve both been going by the names Snyder-Hill ever since we decided that would be our common name as husbands.  The decision was talked over, we talked about taking each other’s names, either I becoming a Hill or he a Snyder.  We talked about both hyphenations and finally settled on Snyder-Hill.


So with that today we ventured to downtown Columbus to the court house, to the 22^nd floor (ironically just one floor below where you register your marriage license) to apply and have our names changed.  The key word there is apply, in the state of Ohio our marriage is not recognized and while we do not agree with the law, we knew there are legal alternatives to changing our name within the state and so this was it. 


While a straight married couple need only submit their marriage license to have their names changed, our process is a bit more grueling and expensive to say the least.  We were given our application, and we went to work.  We snapped pictures of the application, made mistakes and scribbled out the errors and giggled and joked while we filled out our 10 page apps.  When we got to the portion where it said to state our reason for the change we simply noted “Because we’re legally married”.  That reason may be the very reason why I will not be allowed to carry Steve’s name.


We had posted our photos already, and made snide comments about the fact that we would be paying $140, waiting six to eight weeks, posting our application in the newspaper, and going before a judge to get permission to have our names changed. Instead contrast that to simply turning in a marriage certificate like every other straight couple, not having to wait the six to eight weeks, not paying the fee and not having some judge decide for them.  None of it really mattered though because soon we would have each other’s names and how amazing would that be.


We handed the clerk our applications, pulled out our cash and waited.  He read through the apps and suddenly gave pause, “We need to talk to the magistrate”.  When we filled out the apps earlier we had half wondered if our reason would give us any problems, but given that we were just stating a fact we didn’t see any issue.  We followed the clerk across the building and were asked into the magistrate’s office. 


The women was polite and seemed at odds with the advice she was about to give.  We were told that currently a case had been elevated to the Supreme Court of Ohio and was based of this reasoning “because our marriage isn’t recognized”.  She said that our statement qualifies as circumventing the law, since marriage is defined in Ohio as two people of opposite sex.  She was relieved however to tell us this before we paid, and that we could change our reason and not risk being denied.  That’s right all we need do is lie and we could have our last names changed.


We could have written we don’t like our last name and BAM we’re Snyder-Hill.  We refused to change our reason and sat there for a minute letting it soak in.  We looked at each other and Steve didn’t like the idea of paying to submit the application and I wanted to make a point.  We both stepped out of the office defeated and a little at odds over what to do next.  We entered the elevator to head home.


Before leaving the building a realization hit us both.  If we didn’t apply, if we didn’t do this we were missing a chance to at least appeal to a judge our situation.  If we didn’t do this now, then when?  We took the elevator once more to the 22^nd floor just one floor below the marriage registration office and submitted our applications, unchanged. 


We submitted those apps because of the injustice behind this.  Using a legal method to change our names, a method where for almost any reason you can change your name were we told most likely we’ll be denied.  We need to help people understand what this is, how it truly affects us.  Marriage equality will not change anything for the people who are married.  What it will do is give dignity to the people who are being denied those same rights and being told to come up with another reason and you’ll be fine.  I will not accept shaming ourselves in what already is a degrading and second class method to take the name of a person I love, a person who has fought for his country, a person who in my eyes can be rivaled by no other.  We will not win equality by lying, by giving up because we’ve been defeated, by sitting at home pouting, or accepting status quo.  We must stand up, speak out and educate every single person that crosses our path and then going beyond that a finding people to help teach and spread the word with us.